When does the cycle end?

So much has been written and printed about the cycle of abuse.  About how victims frequently become abusers themselves.   I was one of those people that thought she was above such things.   I thought nothing could break me.  But today on the day of the anniversery of the day I met him , I acknowledge , I broke, I shattered , and in the time of my breaking, I abused him back and abused those around me.    I became the abuser.  After I came to my senses and  I fessed up , I have heard that he deserved it , that it was understandable.   This might be true but it in no way excuses it .    The truth is in doing what I did , I kept the cycle of abuse going.   I hurt my friends that I love and would do anything for.  I hurt him whom I still love and I ended up protecting him from other forces out to do him harm.   It turns out I was not the only person trying to get him out of SL.  I was just the one trying to make him leave of his own choices.   Worst of all I hurt myself.  I betrayed myself.   Not only did I hurt myself hurting him since I still love him and when he hurts I hurt, but now he hates me.   I betrayed my ethics and hurt myself greatly that way .   I damaged my sense of self in a way that will take years to repair.    And I damaged my trust in myself that I would do the right thing no matter what.   It does not matter the life forces that helped me to be broken.   It does not matter what he did.   Nothing excuses abuse.   I ask you all to think of this the next time you feel the need to return hurt with hurt.   These are my thoughts on this day.  The anniversery of the day I met him.   I knew then he would change my life.  I just had no idea how.