Mental Manipulation.

This is the main form of abuse in Second Life.  It was used on me and I know it has been many others.  I got chills when I read this , remembering different conversations.    Hindsight is 20/20 but it is too bad that we do not know in the past to see what is going on.  The worse part is even now and knowing what he is and what he did, i still love him.  It is far easier to love someone than to stop, if you are capable of real emotions. ." The end paragraph really hit home for me since i asked him "How could you do this to me?"  His reply, "What did I do to you ?  I did nothing."



Psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the perception or behavior of others through underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive tactics.[1] By advancing the interests of the manipulator, often at the other's expense, such methods could be considered exploitative, abusive, devious, and deceptive.
Social influence is not necessarily negative. For example, doctors can try to persuade patients to change unhealthy habits. Social influence is generally perceived to be harmless when it respects the right of the influenced to accept or reject it, and is not unduly coercive. Depending on the context and motivations, social influence may constitute underhanded manipulation.
Requirements for successful manipulationAccording to George K. Simon, successful psychological manipulation primarily involves the manipulator:
1.concealing aggressive intentions and behaviors.
2.knowing the psychological vulnerabilities of the victim to determine what tactics are likely to be the most effective.
3.having a sufficient level of ruthlessness to have no qualms about causing harm to the victim if necessary.
Consequently the manipulation is likely to be covert (relational aggressive or passive aggressive).[2]
[edit] How manipulators control their victims[edit] According to BraikerBraiker[1] identified the following basic ways that manipulators control their victims:
positive reinforcement - includes praise, superficial charm, superficial sympathy (crocodile tears), excessive apologizing; money, approval, gifts; attention, facial expressions such as a forced laugh or smile; public recognition.
negative reinforcement - includes nagging, yelling, the silent treatment, intimidation, threats, swearing, emotional blackmail, the guilt trap, sulking, crying, and playing the victim.
intermittent or partial reinforcement - Partial or intermittent negative reinforcement can create an effective climate of fear and doubt, for example in terrorist attacks. Partial or intermittent positive reinforcement can encourage the victim to persist - for example in most forms of gambling, the gambler is likely to win now and again but still lose money overall.
punishment
traumatic one-trial learning - using verbal abuse, explosive anger, or other intimidating behavior to establish dominance or superiority; even one incident of such behavior can condition or train victims to avoid upsetting, confronting or contradicting the manipulator.
[edit] According to SimonSimon[2] identified the following manipulative techniques:
Lying: It is hard to tell if somebody is lying at the time they do it although often the truth may be apparent later when it is too late. One way to minimize the chances of being lied to is to understand that some personality types (particularly psychopaths) are experts at the art of lying and cheating, doing it frequently, and often in subtle ways.
Lying by omission: This is a very subtle form of lying by withholding a significant amount of the truth. This technique is also used in propaganda.
Denial: Manipulator refuses to admit that he or she has done something wrong.
Rationalization: An excuse made by the manipulator for inappropriate behavior. Rationalization is closely related to spin.
Minimization: This is a type of denial coupled with rationalization. The manipulator asserts that his or her behavior is not as harmful or irresponsible as someone else was suggesting, for example saying that a taunt or insult was only a joke.
Selective inattention or selective attention: Manipulator refuses to pay attention to anything that may distract from his or her agenda, saying things like "I don't want to hear it".
Diversion: Manipulator not giving a straight answer to a straight question and instead being diversionary, steering the conversation onto another topic.
Evasion: Similar to diversion but giving irrelevant, rambling, vague responses, weasel words.
Covert intimidation: Manipulator throwing the victim onto the defensive by using veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats.
Guilt tripping: A special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position.
Shaming: Manipulator uses sarcasm and put-downs to increase fear and self-doubt in the victim. Manipulators use this tactic to make others feel unworthy and therefore defer to them. Shaming tactics can be very subtle such as a fierce look or glance, unpleasant tone of voice, rhetorical comments, subtle sarcasm. Manipulators can make one feel ashamed for even daring to challenge them. It is an effective way to foster a sense of inadequacy in the victim.
Playing the victim role ("poor me"): Manipulator portrays him- or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else's behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.
Vilifying the victim: More than any other, this tactic is a powerful means of putting the victim on the defensive while simultaneously masking the aggressive intent of the manipulator.
Playing the servant role: Cloaking a self-serving agenda in guise of a service to a more noble cause, for example saying he is acting in a certain way for "obedience" and "service" to God or a similar authority figure.
Seduction: Manipulator uses charm, praise, flattery or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and give their trust and loyalty to him or her.
Projecting the blame (blaming others): Manipulator scapegoats in often subtle, hard to detect ways.
Feigning innocence: Manipulator tries to suggest that any harm done was unintentional or did not do something that they were accused of. Manipulator may put on a look of surprise or indignation. This tactic makes the victim question his or her own judgment and possibly his own sanity.
Feigning confusion: Manipulator tries to play dumb by pretending he or she does not know what you are talking about or is confused about an important issue brought to his attention.
Brandishing anger: Manipulator uses anger to brandish sufficient emotional intensity and rage to shock the victim into submission. The manipulator is not actually angry, he or she just puts on an act. He just wants what he wants and gets "angry" when denied.
[edit] Vulnerabilities exploited by manipulatorsAccording to Braiker,[1] manipulators exploit the following vulnerabilities (buttons) that may exist in victims:
the "disease to please"
addiction to earning the approval and acceptance of others
Emotophobia (fear of negative emotion)
lack of assertiveness and ability to say no
blurry sense of identity (with soft personal boundaries)
low self-reliance
external locus of control
According to Simon,[2] manipulators exploit the following vulnerabilities that may exist in victims:
naïveté - victim finds it too hard to accept the idea that some people are cunning, devious and ruthless or is "in denial" if he or she is being victimized
over-conscientiousness - victim is too willing to give manipulator the benefit of the doubt and see their side of things in which they blame the victim
low self-confidence - victim is self-doubting, lacking in confidence and assertiveness, likely to go on the defensive too easily.
over-intellectualization - victim tries too hard to understand and believes the manipulator has some understandable reason to be hurtful.
emotional dependency - victim has a submissive or dependent personality. The more emotionally dependent the victim is, the more vulnerable he or she is to being exploited and manipulated.
Manipulators generally take the time to scope out the characteristics and vulnerabilities of their victim.
According to Kantor,[3] the following are vulnerable to psychopathic manipulators:
too trusting - people who are honest often assume that everyone else is honest. They commit themselves to people they hardly know without checking credentials, etc. They rarely question so-called experts.
too altruistic - the opposite of psychopathic; too honest, too fair, too empathetic
too impressionable - overly seduced by charmers. For example, they might vote for the phony politician who kisses babies.
too naïve - cannot believe there are dishonest people in the world or if there were they would not be allowed to operate.
too masochistic - lack of self-respect and unconsciously let psychopaths take advantage of them. They think they deserve it out of a sense of guilt.
too narcissistic - narcissists are prone to falling for unmerited flattery.
too greedy - the greedy and dishonest may fall prey to a psychopath who can easily entice them to act in an immoral way.
too immature - has impaired judgment and believes the exaggerated advertising claims.
too materialistic - easy prey for loan sharks or get-rich-quick schemes
too dependent - dependent people need to be loved and are therefore gullible and liable to say yes to something to which they should say no.
too lonely - lonely people may accept any offer of human contact. A psychopathic stranger may offer human companionship for a price.
too impulsive - make snap decisions about, for example, what to buy or whom to marry without consulting others.
too frugal - cannot say no to a bargain even if they know the reason why it is so cheap
the elderly - the elderly can become fatigued and less capable of multi-tasking. When hearing a sales pitch they are less likely to consider that it could be a con. They are prone to giving money to someone with a hard-luck story. See elder abuse.
[edit] Motivations of manipulatorsManipulators have three possible motivations:[1]
The need to advance their own purposes and their own gain at virtually any cost to others
The manipulator has strong needs to attain feelings of power and superiority in relationships with others
Manipulators want and need to feel in control - control freakery
[edit] Psychological conditions of manipulatorsManipulators may have any of the following psychological conditions:[1]
Machiavellian personality
narcissistic personality disorder
borderline personality disorder
avoidant personality disorder
dependent personality disorder
histrionic personality disorder
passive-aggressive behavior
type A angry personalities
antisocial personality disorder
addictive personalities.
[edit] Basic manipulative strategy of a psychopathAccording to Hare and Babiak,[4] psychopaths are always on the lookout for individuals to scam or swindle. The psychopathic approach includes three phases:
[edit] 1. Assessment phaseSome psychopaths are opportunistic, aggressive predators who will take advantage of almost anyone they meet, while others are more patient, waiting for the perfect, innocent victim to cross their path. In each case, the psychopath is constantly sizing up the potential usefulness of an individual as a source of money, power, sex, or influence. Some psychopaths enjoy a challenge while others prey on people who are vulnerable. During the assessment phase, the psychopath is able to determine a potential victim’s weak points and will use those weak points to seduce.
[edit] 2. Manipulation phaseOnce the psychopath has identified a victim, the manipulation phase begins. During the manipulation phase, a psychopath may create a persona or mask, specifically designed to ‘work’ for his or her target. A psychopath will lie to gain the trust of their victim. Psychopaths' lack of empathy and guilt allows them to lie with impunity; they do not see the value of telling the truth unless it will help get them what they want.
As interaction with the victim proceeds, the psychopath carefully assesses the victim's persona. The victim's persona gives the psychopath a picture of the traits and characteristics valued in the victim. The victim's persona may also reveal, to an astute observer, insecurities or weaknesses the victim wishes to minimize or hide from view. As an ardent student of human behavior, the psychopath will then gently test the inner strengths and needs that are part of the victim's private self and eventually build a personal relationship with the victim.
The persona of the psychopath - the “personality” the victim is bonding with - does not really exist. It is built on lies, carefully woven together to entrap the victim. It is a mask, one of many, custom-made by the psychopath to fit the victim's particular psychological needs and expectations. The victimization is predatory in nature; it often leads to severe financial, physical or emotional harm for the individual. Healthy, real relationships are built on mutual respect and trust; they are based on sharing honest thoughts and feelings. The victim's mistaken belief that the psychopathic bond has any of these characteristics is the reason it is so successful.
[edit] 3. Abandonment phaseThe abandonment phase begins when the psychopath decides that his or her victim is no longer useful. The psychopath abandons his or her victim and moves on to someone else. In the case of romantic relationships, a psychopath will usually seal a relationship with their next target before abandoning his or her current victim. Sometimes, the psychopath has three individuals on whom he or she is running game: the one who has been recently abandoned, who is being toyed with and kept in the picture in case the other two do not work out; the one who is currently being played and is about to be abandoned; and the third, who is being groomed by the psychopath, in anticipation of abandoning the current "mark". Abandonment can happen quickly and can occur without the current victim knowing that the psychopath was looking for someone new. There will be no apologies, or at least no sincere apologies, for the hurt and pain the psychopath causes, because psychopaths do not appreciate these emotions.

Mental Abuse in Second Life

Welcome to the blog. I formed this group after being manipulated and hurt by someone in SL that I love(yes I still care for him ) dearly.  We were together for 18 months.  When he betrayed, hurt, and shattered me, I went a little bats when I saw him doing the same things to other women, one of whom was already having problems over the relationship.  I followed him and wrote bad IMs to him and to myself(to look innocent). I also got one or three bad IMs that I think he or one of his friends sent.   When I finally woke up and came back to myself, I realized that I had become as bad as him.   I fessed up and was treated as a pariah by some and with incredible kindness by others.   I also discovered that my story was not unique.  That it has happened many times to many women.  So I formed this group so that people who have been hurt have a place to go for support.   Where they can talk to others who understand.   Where perhaps we can together put an end to the cycle of abuse.  Thank you for reading this.  Please take my hand and lets journey together.